"Hey, it's me. I respect how close you and your mom are and everything, and I'm sure you've probably mentioned how we're friends and all, but could you maybe tell her not to leave messages about her sex life (http://www.livejournal.com/users/emo_padawan/4085.html?thread=347381#t347381) for me? Because that's a kind of closeness I'm not ready for.

Um, ever."