South Attic, Thursday Morning

[demonbelthazor]

No, Bel wasn't hiding. He was just...avoiding. Avoiding classes, avoiding people, avoiding everything.

He was also trying to get himself in the right frame of mind to take Veronica on a trip to the Underworld. Not a stellar idea, but if she wanted to go, he could hardly refuse her.


[ooc: open for visitors, please to be helping me avoid work. ;) ]

Comments

[demonbelthazor]

"Haven't done that much good," Bel said. "I've only been 'good' for a couple months. Doesn't compare to the years I spent...." He let his voice trail off, unwilling to finish the sentence.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"But you made the choice. And it's not as if your choice hasn't hurt you. Bel, I realize you've done terrible things. I know that. And I know nothing can ever change that. But... what you did, changing from bad to good, that's got to be one of the hardest things in the world to manage. And you've done it. Don't you think that counts for anything?"

[demonbelthazor]

He fell back to his standard argument. "Do you think changing sides matters to the people I've killed and their families? Do you think they care?"


[ooc: running out for an hour -- back soon!]

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Maybe not, but it means a helluva lot to the people whose lives you've saved or will save and their families. It means a heeluva lot to me," she finished quietly.


[OOC: NP. Going to watch last night's Alias, myself. :) ]

[demonbelthazor]

"It doesn't balance out though," he said helplessly. "It never will. It can't make what I've done go away."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Someday it will, though," Lana said earnestly. "See, that's the thing about doing good. It's not just the people you saved or helped. It's them and all the people they save and help and all the people *those* people save and help... Just think of all the good Phoebe and her sisters will do. And you'll be a part of that."

[demonbelthazor]

"I don't know if I'm strong enough," Bel confessed. "I keep thinking about how much easier it would be if I just didn't care...."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Exactly. Being good is a lot harder than being evil, so, in a way it kind of counts more. Or at least it should. Don't you think?" Lana raised her eyebrows at him with a grin.

[demonbelthazor]

"Maybe," he said grudgingly. He paused for a moment, then asked, "Why do you have so much faith in me?"

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana blinked at him innocently. "Because I'm hopelessly naive?" she suggested, then laughed.

"I'm sure there's more than one person who'd tell you that - including Shep and Han if they were still around." She swallowed hard, surprised at how much it still hurt to mention them. "But I think, really, it's just... I don't know. I have this feeling about you. I just know there's so much good inside you."

[demonbelthazor]

"I wish I had your faith," he said wistfully. "I look inside me and I just see the terrible things I've done."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana can't stop herself, she reaches out and just hugs him.

"I wish you could look inside my heart and see how special and good you are."

[demonbelthazor]

Caught off guard, Bel flinched a little as she hugged him, not because of Lana, but because he didn't think he deserved her faith. But he hugged her back, even if it was a little awkward. "I wish I could, too," he said.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana felt the flinch and let him go quickly. "Isn't there some sort of a spell that lets you see what's in another person's heart?" she said lightly. "Ask Phoebe. I'd be glad to demonstrate for you."

[demonbelthazor]

"I know about spells that can force you to feel something," he said, "but not ones that let you feel what someone else is feeling. But yeah, Phoebe might know if there are any empathic spells in the Book."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"If there is and you want..." Lana shrugged. "I'm totally willing. Might make you feel a little better."


[OOC: Or could totally screw with Bel and Lana, leaving him empathic and/or her broadcasting her emotions so loudly everyone can hear them. ;)]

[demonbelthazor]

Bel nodded. "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind."


[ooc: Hee! I'm sure we could come up with something. Also, am leaving work in a few so another period of silence from me is coming up.]

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Well, you guys know where to find me. I better go - Physical Conditioning and then the mun thinks my MEH final."


[OOC: Could be fun. Catch you when you get home. :) ]

[demonbelthazor]

Bel nodded. "Okay. Thanks, um, thanks for coming by," he said.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana nodded. "Any time. Try not to be so hard on yourself, okay?"

[demonbelthazor]

"I'll try," Bel said with a small smile.