South Attic, very early Saturday morning

[demonbelthazor]

After drinking himself into a stupor at Caritas after saying goodbye to Angel, Bel shimmered back to the South Attic. Unfortunately, being exceptionally drunk, he appeared about three inches above the floor and went sprawling to the carpet. He lay there for a long moment, waiting for Phoebe. The noise surely would've awoken her. But the attic was dark and quiet. Phoebe wasn't there.

He staggered to the bedroom, yanking open drawers and tossing the contents on the floor until he found what he was looking for: the snowglobe he'd stolen from Angel months before. He'd been meaning to give it back and didn't know why he was still holding on to it. Too late now.

He raised his arm to throw the snowglobe against the wall but stopped himself just before the orb left his hand. Sinking back down to the floor, his back against the bed, he stared at the snowglobe cradled in his hands. Phoebe wasn't here. His best friend had left. Hell, even Lindsey was gone. Not since he was a child in the Underworld had he ever felt this alone.

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[sensethevisions]

After Phoebe had gotten Nadia settled in for the night and had buried down most of her anger, she decided that she wanted to go home and find Cole. She knew that it had been a hard day for, saying goodbye to Angel and all... and she wanted to be with him.

She let herself into the attic and was surprised at the emotional currents that she could feel in the air.

He was hurting.

She made her way into the bedroom and the emotions were stronger there. Her heart ached when she saw him sitting on their floor against their bed and she went to crouch down in front of him, rubbing a hand against his face.

"Beloved..."

[demonbelthazor]

Cole looked up as she touched him. He tried to compose himself. "Hey, sweetheart," he said softly.

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe didn't even bother to tell him not to try to hide from her. They both knew him hiding just didn't work.

She settled down next to him and pulled him against her, holding him in silence for a few minutes. She kissed the top of his head, not sure how to use the right words.

"You'll see him again. He promised me."

[demonbelthazor]

"Doesn't change the fact that he's gone," Cole said, his words slurred drunkenly.

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe didn't know what to say to that, she knew how shattered she was when James and Aziraphale and then Kiki had left. She knew he had been drinking and nuzzled his hair.

"Tell me what I can do."

[demonbelthazor]

He wrapped his arms around her and clung to her fiercely. "Don't ever leave me."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe tightened her hold on him. "Never," she promised him adamantly. "Where you go, I will follow."

[demonbelthazor]

"What if that path leads somewhere you don't want to go?" Cole asked.

[sensethevisions]

They seem to have this conversation a lot when one of them is upset about something.

Phoebe kissed his hair.

"You're my soulmate, Cole," she said softly. "I do not want to live without you. I love you... and if one day in the future something like that happens, we will deal with it then. Why borrow trouble before there is trouble to be had?"

[demonbelthazor]

"What if I told you I had to go and couldn't take you with me?" Cole said. "What if I tried to leave you behind, even though I loved you?"

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe stiffened.

No... no, not him, as well. Goddes, no.

She blinked back the burning in her eyes.

"I would say..." she said slowly. "That you could either take me with you when you go or deal with the ramifications of me trying to find you and follow you on my own."

[demonbelthazor]

"I'm not going anywhere," he said quickly when he saw the pain in her eyes. "I just...I just don't know how Angel could leave Buffy. And now Callisto. I would never want to do that to you."

[sensethevisions]

"I don't know, either, sweetheart," she said softly, trying to control her relief. "I couldn't see dealing with that or accepting that... no matter what the Elders might try to say. I know it couldn't have been easy for him."

[demonbelthazor]

"Sure seemed easy," Cole said. "Pack your stuff and go."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe bit her lip.

"I don't think it was as easy as it looked," she said. "Outward appearances can be deceiving."

[demonbelthazor]

"I guess so," Cole said softly. "But I still don't understand how he could do it."

[sensethevisions]

"I don't know," she said running her hand down his back. "I couldn't muster up that kind of strength."

[demonbelthazor]

Cole was silent for a long moment. "I want another drink," he muttered.

[sensethevisions]

"Want me to get you one out of the cabinet," she offered reluctantly.

She really didn't want to let go of him and he was already drunk.

[demonbelthazor]

"I can get it," he said. He tried to stand, lost his balance, and sat down heavily again.

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe shook her head. "I'll get it love."

She went to the cabinet and brought him a beer and she also had a bottle of her favorite Smirnoff.

"No drinking alone," she reminded him as she handed him his beer.

[demonbelthazor]

Cole tried to take the Smirnoff as well.

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe let him have the Smirnoff Ice as well, and then got herself another one.

She came back and sat next to him.

[demonbelthazor]

Cole tried to take that one as well.

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe sighed and did what she should have done before and took the Smirnoff out of his hand and rolled it away from them.

Then she tugged at his beer.

"You wouldn't let me do this."

[demonbelthazor]

"I can hold my liquor," he argued.

[sensethevisions]

She tugged at the beer again.

"I have no doubts about that. However, you are already going to be sick as hell in the morning. Also, I am not going to sit and let you give yourself a wonderful case of alcohol poisoning."

[demonbelthazor]

He lost the tug-a-war for the beer, mainly because his reflexes were so shot by now that he could barely hold on to the bottle. Defeated, he slumped against the bed.

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe returned the bottles to the cabinet and fridge and then came back to sit close to him.

"Do you think incapacitating yourself with the alcohol is going to make the hurt stop?" she asked him softly as she stroked his hair.

[demonbelthazor]

"Done well so far," he muttered.

[sensethevisions]

"Not really," Phoebe said gently. "If it had, you wouldn't want more."

[demonbelthazor]

Cole sighed and laid his head on her shoulder. "I'm going to miss him so much."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe nodded and lay her head against his.

"I know you are, love," she whispered. She knew what he was going through. She had dealt with it four times since January and hadn't even dealt with Camulus leaving yet.

"I wish I knew how to tell you that it would get better. The missing and love will never fade, but it will get better."

[demonbelthazor]

He slipped his arms around her. "I don't ever want to lose you."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe hugged him to her. "You won't, Cole. You're stuck with me for as long as you want me."

[demonbelthazor]

"Always," he murmured, kissing her. "Always."

[sensethevisions]

"Always," she agreed, kissing him and running her hands along his back. "I love you."

[demonbelthazor]

"Love you, too, sweetheart," he said.

[sensethevisions]

"I know," she assured him as she kissed him again.