The roof, Monday evening

[demonbelthazor]

Bel was smoking up on the roof. He knew he shouldn't put himself in such an obvious place, but while part of him wanted to keep avoiding Anders, the other part wanted to hear what he had to say for himself.

[For futurebucs_star.]

Comments

[demonbelthazor]

Bel shrugged. "You can talk," Bel said. "Doesn't mean I'm going to listen."

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

Anders flinched, but he couldn't even pretend Bel's reaction was unjustified in any way.

"We frakked up," he said for what felt like the hundredth time today. He'd been rehearsing this speech all evening, while searching everywhere for Bel. "I don't know how many times I have to say that. I don't know how many times I have to say how sorry I am. Don't blame Phoebe for this; it's all my fault. And if you . . . if you want to break things off because of this . . . what we did to you . . . you'd have every right. All I wanted to do was find out for sure how you felt about me, but it wasn't worth forcing you to do the things you did because of that spell."

[demonbelthazor]

Bel was quiet for a long moment, flicking ashes off his cigarette. He took a long drag and asked idly, "Why didn't you just ask me?"

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"Would you have answered?" Anders asked in return, staring at his feet. "Every time I've tried to ask, you change the subject. I tell you I love you, and you call me a dork or say that you know, and I could get those answers from some random person on the street who doesn't know me. And -- look, I know it's different with you and Phoebe, but I lie there and hear you tell her you love her, and then you roll over and look at me, and . . . yeah."

[demonbelthazor]

"Phoebe and me are different," Bel agreed. "But it's not like I look at you like you're a slime demon or something. You wouldn't be in the bed if I didn't want you there."

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

Anders fought back a sudden surge of the frustration that had driven him to come up with this whole stupid idea in the first place.

"Do you?" he asked finally. "Still, I mean. Still want me there. After this."

[demonbelthazor]

Bel studied Anders for a long moment, his expression unreadable. "Tell me why I should," he finally said.

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"After what I did? I don't know," Anders replied honestly. "Not like you have any reason to trust me now."

Uncomfortable, and unsure of what to do with his hands, he pulled his keys from his pocket and started fiddling with them . . . or rather, with the key to 518/520.

[demonbelthazor]

"Did you like hearing it?" Bel said simply.

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"What do you think I am, crazy?" asked Anders, with a brief, bitter laugh. "Of course I liked hearing it . . . 'course, you only said it because of the spell."

[demonbelthazor]

Bel took a final drag off his cigarette and tossed it to the ground. He exhaled slowly. "Dork," he finally said.

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"Oh, great, now it's name-calling again." Anders sighed. "Look . . . I can go get my stuff and move it back to my room if you want me gone."

Sometimes he was a little slow, yes.

[demonbelthazor]

"You think that's what I want?" Bel asked.

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"I don't know what you want!" Anders exclaimed. "Because you don't frakking say! All I know for sure is you're pissed at me -- which you should be -- because I helped put you under a spell to make you express yourself!"

He twisted both hands up into his hair for a moment, then shut his eyes and took a deep breath before continuing. "Look. I don't want to sleep in my own bed tonight. I don't want this . . . us . . . to be over. Okay? You know how I feel. Now the ball's in your court."

[demonbelthazor]

Bel stepped closer to Anders, reaching down and grabbing him by the back of the shirt and yanking him to his feet. He then seized his shoulders and stared at him, his expression dark.

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

Anders swallowed and tensed, half ready to try and make a break for it.

"Gonna kick my ass now, huh?"

[demonbelthazor]

"Dork," Bel repeated, his voice rough. He yanked Anders against him and kissed him.

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

Anders made a surprised noise against Bel's lips, but he didn't hesitate for more than a fraction of a second before his arms were going up around Bel's neck and he was returning the kiss, with no intention of stopping any time soon.

[demonbelthazor]

Bel let the kiss continue, then pushed Anders back. "I'm not okay with what you did," he said gruffly. "But I guess I understand it."

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"Wouldn't expect you to be okay with it," Anders answered after a long moment. "I really am sorry, you know. I tell you I love you, and then I do something like that? Can't blame you if you don't really . . . you know. Feel the same way."

[demonbelthazor]

"The spell didn't make me lie," Bel pointed out, looking down.

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"So you do, then?" asked Anders, slowly.

[demonbelthazor]

"Look, I may have been born half-human, but in the Underworld, I had that drilled out of me," Bel said softly. "Things like love and compassion made me weak. Expressing them would get me hurt. So I don't have a lot of experience with this kind of thing. It took me a long time to admit what Phoebe meant to me."

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"That's what she kept telling me. That you did care, but you're not used to being open about it." Anders swallowed and looked away. "I should've just taken her word for it. But I wanted to hear it from you, just once. Too much, and now we embarrassed you, and gods only know where she is right now, but she's guilty and hurting because of me too, and --"

He was just going to keep babbling if nobody stopped him.

[demonbelthazor]

Bel did silence him with another kiss. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't realize how much you wanted to hear it. I'm not good at recognizing that kind of thing."

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"Doesn't mean I should've forced it out of you." Anders rested his forehead against Bel's and held on to him. "I'm sorry. I really am. I love you, and I'm sorry."

[demonbelthazor]

"Just don't do anything like that again," Bel said, sliding his arms around Anders. "I've had enough forced on me in my life. I don't want it to come from people I love."

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"It felt wrong after a while," Anders admitted. "You were cheerful and stuff, and I kind of missed it when you were gruff and avoiding the question. You're cute when you're like that."

[demonbelthazor]

Bel made a face. "Demons are not cheerful. Or cute."

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

Anders laughed and kissed him again. "No, but you're cute anyway. Deal." He pulled back and looked into Bel's eyes. "I promise, I swear, I'll never force anything on you again."

[demonbelthazor]

"Damn straight," Bel growled. He affectionately mussed Anders's hair and said, "Where's Phoebe?"

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"I don't know," Anders admitted, swatting playfully at Bel's hand. "She sent me to look for you, and I haven't seen her since this morning. I stopped by the room this afternoon and didn't see her there."

[demonbelthazor]

"She called me earlier," Bel said. "We should find her."

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"Selkie Cove?" Anders suggested. "She usually ends up down there when she's got something on her mind."

He slid his hand down Bel's arm and took his hand. "Love you, you big grouchy lug."

[demonbelthazor]

"I know," Bel said, maybe on purpose, maybe a bit reflexively. Then he smirked. "I love you. Dork. Now het's go find her."

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

Anders laughed. "Yes, o cheerful and cute boyfriend of mine," he replied. "C'mon."

[demonbelthazor]

Bel squeezed Anders's hand and shimmered them both to Selkie Cove.