[Late Tuesday Night, the Maru, locked to Belthazor and Beka]

[demonbelthazor]

It had been a long, weird day. And the last thing on Belthazor's "to do" list was talking to Beka about what had happened Sunday night. He stopped in his room to check on Phoebe, making sure she was still safe and asleep, then headed out to Beka's ship, where they could have safe, private conversation. He was pretty sure he didn't want to hear what she had to tell him, but he needed to know.

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[valentine-tart.livejournal.com]

"If that's all you think of me, maybe you should give it a try," he said tonelessly.

Before she could stop herself, she reached out and put a hand on his arm. It would've been his face, but...he wasn't hers. "You know better than that."

[demonbelthazor]

"Raynor knows the Charmed Ones are here," Belthazor said, bowing his head and resting it in his hands. "I tried to make myself believe it wasn't Phoebe and her sisters, but she flat out told me what she was. You don't know how big of a target they have on them now. The Source wants them dead."

[valentine-tart.livejournal.com]

There were no words.

No fireballs.

No cigarettes.

Just Bel.

And Beka.

She raised her hand from his forearm, settling it instead around his shoulders. She didn't pull him to her. He'd come if he wanted. But not trying wasn't an option anymore.

[demonbelthazor]

He didn't flinch from her touch. "I don't know how much time I have. The next time Raynor calls me home, he'll ask if I've found the Charmed Ones. He won't accept no for an answer. He'll know I'm lying. And then he'll kill me. Or he'll make me kill them. Not by my own choice. He has ways...."

[valentine-tart.livejournal.com]

"Maybe Angelus can help," she offered. "You'll talk to him. I'll be with you if you want. Or not. We'll figure this out."

[demonbelthazor]

He nodded. "Yeah, I wanted to talk to him. I mentioned the dreams to him but we were in study hall so I didn't want to go into detail there." He took another drag off his cigarette, let it out slowly, and said softly, "I won't kill her, Beka. I'll die first."

[valentine-tart.livejournal.com]

Oh gods. When he left, there would be tears. A lot of them. Right now, he needed her strong. Still her eyes were probably far too bright when she turned her head to look at him. So close they might've kissed, she spoke instead. "I promise."

[demonbelthazor]

He brought one hand up to his shoulder, resting it on top of her hand. "If I am...if I am trying to kill her," he said shakily, "don't let any feelings hold you back. It's not me anymore. There'd be no Cole, just Belthazor."

[valentine-tart.livejournal.com]

"I'll do it because I know this you would hate yourself. But I hardly know Cole," Beka said softly, fighting against the tears. "I know we wouldn't be friends at all if you didn't have a human side, but it's the half-demon, not the human who's my closest friend."

[demonbelthazor]

"Why's that?" he asked curiously, his hand still on hers.

[valentine-tart.livejournal.com]

With a tired, heartsore shrug, she told him, "Because that's the you I know? The one who I work off my aggressions with in the gym... the one who meets me late at night when I need to talk... because I've been to the Underworld with you. Because it was Bel not Cole who kissed me in front of his parents. Because it's Bel and Beka who are friends with Angelus. I don't even call you Cole, except to piss you off."

She gave him a half-smile. "Because, Bel, it's the half-demon who...knows everything."

[demonbelthazor]

He reached over and gently brushed an unshed tear from her eye. "Don't confuse Bel and Belthazor." He settled back against the wall with a sigh. "Sometimes I think it would be easier if I could just split myself in two."

[valentine-tart.livejournal.com]

Beka wasn't sure she liked that Bel knew how much this was affecting her, especially wasn't sure she liked him seeing her weakened enough to cry for him. But since he didn't seem inclined to make her feel like shit for it, she let it go.

"In my mind, there are three of you. There's Cole, Phoebe's soulmate. There's Bel, my closest friend and WTF lover and partner in the struggle to be true to yourself without hurting the 'good' people in your life. And Belthazor, your truly demon self," she said as she leaned back against the wall beside him again. "Maybe if I met Belthazor...it might be easier if I have to...kill you."

That splitting could probably be arranged. But not the way you mean it.

[demonbelthazor]

"Yeah," he said. "You should see me. See what you're up against."

He took a deep breath and shifted into his demonic form. Before Beka could react, he grabbed her by the throat and yanked her to her feet and pushed her up against the wall. "This is what I am," he growled. "Don't forget it."

[valentine-tart.livejournal.com]

Heart pounding with adrenaline, instinctive fear and the low pulse of stupid arousal at the roughness forced her still, as though if she didn't move, he wouldn't see her or kill her.

After a minute of him not actually killing her, when her breathing had calmed, she looked at him, really looked so she would remember. Then she nodded - as best she could with his massive hand wrapped around her throat and both of hers wrapped around his wrists. "I won't forget, Belthazor." But you're not Bel. Or Cole.

[demonbelthazor]

He released her throat and stepped back, shifting back into his human form. "Sorry," he said quietly, and not without some effort. He'd seen the fear flash in her eyes, and it aroused him.

[valentine-tart.livejournal.com]

She immediately stepped forward and put her hand on his chest. "Bel," she said, voice warm, calm, normal. "It's OK. You didn't hurt me."

[demonbelthazor]

He flinched a little at her touch, shivering as he forced his demon side down. "Just wanted you to see," he said.

[valentine-tart.livejournal.com]

Beka buried the hurt of him flinching away, recognizing it for what it was and moved closer. "I saw." She shrugged, then grinned at him, because he was Bel and he knew everything. "So you turn red and black and get kinda mean-looking. My hair changes colors." Her golden blonde hair rippled to a deep shade of red, then to black, then to a pale silvery blonde, then back to gold.

[demonbelthazor]

"How'd you do that?" Bel asked, distracted from his inner turmoil for a moment.

[valentine-tart.livejournal.com]

"Nanites. Gift from...family." The way she said the word made it clear it was distasteful. "Future-tech," she explained. "How they work...they change my hair on the atomic level. As to the whole color thing and how they know what color I want it, I don't know because my canon never really goes into how it works."

[demonbelthazor]

"Huh," he said. "Pretty cool." There was silence for a long moment, then he said, "It's pretty late. We should be getting back to the dorms."

[valentine-tart.livejournal.com]

"Yeah. You probably should. I... I think I'm going to sleep here tonight." She needed to be alone. Somewhere that her stupid crying wouldn't be heard by anyone else. "But Bel?"

When he looked at her, she willed him to believe her. "No one has to die. We'll find a way."

[demonbelthazor]

He nodded. "I hope so."

He turned to leave, then stopped and looked back at Beka. "Thanks," he said softly.

[valentine-tart.livejournal.com]

Beka shrugged one shoulder, almost wry. "Maybe you should start calling me 'Buffy'."